Tinder's Champions

Tinder's Champions: Screwing Everything Up Since 1531!

Wow...what did we get ourselves into now?

From Beeble’s Diary
Party | Amelel | Beeble | BrĂ¼no | Bristles | Cokakar | Daxxtos | Dorian | Dotaimor | Dred | Lena | Mechum | Nelly | Soolie | Torchorth

So, we decided to head to Portsport to get some things done. Some riichnas wanted to learn some spells and I wanted to get some information done. So I teleported Cokakar and Torchorth with me, Daxxtos, Lena, and Soolie to the Wizards Guild there. A short while later, Amelel, Dotaimor, Nelly, and Mechum just…showed up. I don’t know how they got there. Anyway.

I did some research on the Casad Reaches. I mostly read books that I’ve already read, but there was a newly published one there by freakin’ Drummond! It was about those friggin’ creatures that destroyed my home and have ravaged the Portsport District. It was cool. I also did some research on the bottles of that mustardy stuff that I found. Turns out that it’s from a mustard jelly. Imagine that! They can be used as a base in haste and slow potions! AWESOME!

So Soolie went to the bards and got some information. Daxxtos and Lena did stuff for the Church. The riichnas did there thing. We got Nelly’s bear helmet identified (also with some help from Agars; by the way, he retired from adventuring, but he still putters around Qasqueston). It’s a Helmet of the Bear. It amplifies the wearer’s strength, turns hands into bear claws (and lets them use frickin’ BEAR HUG), and you can summon a FREAKINGRIZZLY BEAR once per day! Nelly said she’s going to keep it until she gets some better spells; then she’ll hand it over to someone else in the party. So then I made another wand of Melf’s Acid Arrow.

While Nelly, Mechum, and I were researching, we heard a report over the Portsport Crystal Ball of Communication Amongst the City Guard. It said that the City Guard and one of its members, Bagget Slaughter, were in pursuit of an elf and a human wearing vestments of the Creator and four riichnas: a green, a red, a purple, and a blue. The riichnas were arguing in the street and the blue one was giving the elf high-fives, then said blue chased after a group of children, saying that he wanted to hug them. That is when Slaughter intervened and the party took off. The City Guard were requesting backup and Simoomese drugs to plant on the riichnas once they were apprehended. Crazy. So Mechum and Nelly said that we should help out. Dammit.

So we took a rickshaw and followed the chaos. We disembarked a short distance in front of the chase and Cokakar was running at me while yelling, “STEPLADDER MAN! BE A STEPLADDER!” Then he freakin’ SPRING-BOARDED OFF OF ME. IT WAS SO EPIC. It hurt pretty bad, but it was AWESOME.

Dred showed up around that time and sneaked across the border to the riichna district of the city, where the chaos-train was headed. We all ran that way. All of us non-riichnas were quickly apprehended by the riichna authorities and Amelel directed them to hide us in a safe area and was cursing about some report and some spear. I don’t know what he was talking about.

So Bagget was standing on the border of the district, yelling something at the riichnas about eating a wooden badge and a spear and a blue riichna. Probably Cokakar! So I was trying to talk to the riichna that was guarding us. I told him that Bagget’s slobber was going across the border and showering the riichna that was speaking with him, breaking the border law. Then Bagget wagged his finger in the face of that riichna, definitely breaking the border law. The riichna grabbed his hand and pulled him across the border and began attacking him.

Then a war broke out.

Amelel told the guard to let us go and join the fight. I could see Torchorth throwing around fire spells and, I swear to Lollerspam, he was cackling like a madman. I was looking for a vantage point to aid the riichnas. I saw Cokakar and asked him if there was a wall or a building he could help me up onto, but then he PICKED ME UP AND PUT ME ON HIS SHOULDERS. HOLY CRAP. IT WAS SO AWESOME. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS MY STEPLADDER! He waded into the fray and I suggested to Bagget that his daughter was in trouble and he screamed, “MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD!” I don’t know what that was all about.

The battle started dying down. Bagget lay dead. Amelel told us to stand down, but I wasn’t even standing. I was RIDING A RIICHNA! It looked like bodies exploded all over the border. It was messy. Cokakar set me down and talked to Amelel. Amelel was cursing about how he would have to file another report and so on and so forth and something about a spear and I said, “Wait, Cokakar, is this about your spear? Did you cause this?” Then he got really sad. He grabbed a claw off of a dead riichna and began cutting himself with it. What the…? And then he started CRYING. IT WAS THE SADDEST THING. EVER. He ran to the docks district and THREW THE SPEAR INTO THE OCEAN. IT WAS SO SAD. So then we teleported out of Portsport because it seemed like the logical thing to do. I’m pretty sure we just started something huge and bad. I’m sure the Bogy Brothers and The Brotherhood are going to use this as fuel for their racist agenda…

I talked to Rhogan about the Casad Reaches. I figure any information is good information. Then he said that he remembered my Pappy! He said that my Pappy was a cleric! I didn’t even know that! We made preparations for another foray into the Reaches and then departed.

We went to a place we hadn’t gone to before. It took us TWENTY-SEVEN HOURS TO GET THERE. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. Anyway. We got to a room. There was a ledge and we decided to follow it. Some creatures that I’m assuming are gargoyles swooped down on us! DUN DUN! Cokakar gored one. Another died due to us ganking it. The other two flew back up to the ledge and then EIGHTEEN gargoyles peered down at us, but made no move to attack. There was a bridge leading over a chasm. The chasm was about 200 feet deep and had a river rushing through it. We crossed the bridge, and sadly, Dorian fell through it. He fell. And fell. And fell. And fell. TWO-HUNDRED FEET. He hit the water. He SPLATTERED. It was sad. Then Amelel was like, “Hey, guys, there’s a hole in the bridge. You just can’t see it, but I can.” So he marked the hole by standing in front of it and we filtered around him. We got to the cave on the other side of the bridge, where we are currently.

IT IS SO FREAKINHUGE. I COULD NOT GRASP THE IMMENSITY OR LAYOUT OF IT. TERRY IS HELPING ME MAP IT BECAUSE, BY LOLLERSPAM’S LOLLERSKATES, IT IS SO HUGE. And now here we are, standing behind a waterfall. There is an open secret door in front of us and another off to the side that we can’t figure out how to open and I didn’t memorize knock. So that’s it. Until next time! If there is a next time…this thing with Portsport may be the death of us…



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