THAC0: Base: 11; with Silvered Keen Battle Axe: 8
Alignment: Lawful Good
Age: 63 years
Weight: 159 pounds
Languages: Vanilli, Dwarvish
Weapon Proficiencies: Battle Axe (5); Mace (1)
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Endurance, Direction Sense, Mountaineering, Swimming, Rope Use, Fire Building
Important Possessions: Mace +2; Ring of Great Will; Kite Shield +1, Keen Silvered Battle Axe; 30’ Rope of Climbing
- STR 18
- INT 11
- WIS 7
- DEX 10
- CON 19
- CHR 9
- AC 3
- HP 78
From Beeble’s notes:
Until very recently, very little was known about Brüno “Munchkin” Beardcleaver, the Powerdwarf. He just happened to show up exactly when Tinder’s Champions needed a Powerdwarf. There were rumors and whispers that said that he was somebody very important – maybe a king – but he would neither confirm nor deny these, only responding with a raucous chuckle. I vaguely remember meeting some Beardcleavers back in the day, but I don’t remember much else about it and Pops ran off and croaked before I could ask him about it.
I just got Brüno good and drunk and he’s talking. Awesome. Everything that follows is verbatim.
Beeble, HA! Yer a pretty good guy, y’know? Ya do that tricksy-magic… Ain’t fer me, but ya got a way wit’ it that I like, acuz ‘t means I don’t gotta touch it. Any – (hic) – anyway, ya should know a few things about me, there, ya goof. Write this down; I ain’t sa(hic)yin’ it more’n once! Ha! (hic)
Y’see…uh, so, like, I was born, up ‘n th’ Brokenspire Mountains, aye. Don’t ‘member much ‘a it meself, y’see, acuz I was a bebe ‘n’ all. See, most guys, when they’re born ‘n’ stuff, they don’t ‘member (hic) much ‘a it, ‘n’ I don’t, neither. ‘Kay, now (hic) that we got that establ(hic)ished… So the Dwa(hic)rves o’ my clan, they said my birth wasn’t much like other dwarves. They said my pappy carved me outta a rock – made me a perfec’ Dwarf ‘n’ all. Acuz a’ that, they all (hic) took’n ta callin’ me “Munchkin.” I don’t much believe it meself; Dwarves always be tellin’ tall (hic) tales. Anyway…(hic) where was… Oh.
So I (hic) grew up, see, dwarven royalty. Son o’ King Thargard Beardcleaver II o’ Clan Hammerstone. So, (hic) why ain’t me name Hammerstone, eh? He(hic)re’s one o’ them tangents fer ya.
See, back ‘n th’ days o’ me father’s fathers, (hic) there was Prince Braun, who wasn’t much o’ a warrior; he joined th’ (hic) Guild of Craftsdwarves and Builderdwarves. He became, y’see, a mas(hic)- master crafter ‘n’ strategist. Prince Braun took ta (hic) bein’ called “Beardcleaver” acuz o’ this fightin’ move he come up with. He wasn’t much o’ a fighter ‘imself, but he was (hic), y’know, tactical…or…did I say that? Eh. He said that when we were fightin’ evil dwarves, them damn Axesmashers, ta cleave ‘em from (hic) from th’ top o’ th’ head ta th’ bottom o’ th’ beard. See, th’ move was so good, Beebs, that (hic) they started callin’ ‘im “Beardcleaver” acuz of it an’ ‘is pappy, King Anghred I, said, “Son.” (hic) “Son. Y’see, they’re all callin’ ya ‘Beardcleaver.’ ‘ts a good name. ‘ts YOUR name! HA!” So (hic) Prince Braun Hammerstone took th’ name Braun Beardcleaver when ‘e became King o’ Clan Hammerstone. We’re still Clan Hammerstone, (hic) see, but we call ourselves Beardcleaver acuz o’ th’ move. ‘ts a Dwarf th(hic)ing, Beeble; I don’t expec’ ya ta unnerstan’ it. ‘ts all right.
(hic) So…where was I? (stares off for a while) Oh. So. I was born. Became a warrior o’ Hammerstone Army ‘n’ all that. Folk started ta call me “Powerdwarf” acuz I was strong (hic) ‘n’ could take a beatin’. I didn’t take it as me name, though.
So’s (hic) after I get th’ Beardcleaver move mastered, me pappy King Thargard II sends me on (hic) a diplo(hic)matic mission to Sejlahusk, m’kay? When I git there, they tell me me pappy ‘n’ mammy, King Thargard II ‘n’ Queen Darla, they died from a bastard red. (hic) So I became King Brüno Beardcleaver, son o’ King Thargard II, son o’ King Durble II, son o’ King Roth, son o’ King Anghred III, son o’ King Argal, son o’ King Anghred II, son o’ King Odu, son o’ King Dûmrik, son o’ King Dûmithur, son o’ King Skargard II, son o’ King Bofras, son o’ King Thargard I, son o’ King Braun Beardcleaver, son o’ King Anghred Hammerstone I afore ‘im, son o’ King Tavern, son o’ King Skargard I, son o’ King Durble I, son o’ King Dveight, founder o’ Clan Hammerstone. (Brüno says this all in one breath)
Whoof. (hic) ‘at’s a bleedin’ mouthful! HA! So…Be(hic) – Beeble? Ya gettin’ this down? Oh. Y’are. Good.
So. I’m King o’ Clan Hammerstone. Was. See, I went out fer a while t’ visit some (hic) Selja up north, on th’ diplomatic (hic) mission me pappy sent me on, ‘n’ I came back ‘n’ me Clan, me whole kingdom, was gone. Th’ mountain, ‘n’ th’ mines was there, yeah (hic), but it were solid where Hammerstone Keep shoulda been. I dunno what happened. Nope. So right then ‘n’ there, I says to meself, “Brüno, you ain’t gonna call yersel’ king no more ‘til ye find th’ Clan.”
So I didn’t know (hic) what t’ do. I went t’ live with th’ Diremugs fer a while, met Bristles Diremug, then wandered fer a while.
Then come to a l’il town here called Tinder. I saw me some hopeless-lookin’ clerics and wiz(hic)ards, lookin’ like they could use themselves a Powerdwarf, so’s I asked ‘em, “Hey, you need a Powerdwarf?” And they says, “Yeah, our fighter jus’ died.” Y’ know (hic) what they called ‘emselves, Beeble? Y’ know? HA! They called ‘emselves TINDER’S CHAMPIONS! HA!
Y’know, all this bad happened t’ me… ‘n’ sad as it is – my (hic) damn kingdom disappearin’, y’know, ‘n’ after a while, I (hic) realized worse things coulda happened. So’s I threw in w’ th’ sorry lot my eyes saw. Ya seemed like a decent bunch, ‘n’ I don’t think I was too wrong in thinkin’ so. Mebbe someday we can go find me lost kingdom, eh? Now, if’n (hic) you’d be excusin’ me, I got a work t’ do.
At that point, his head hit the table with a heavy thud. All told, he downed seven kegs of Beard-cleaving Whiskey. Pretty good, pretty good. Me, well, I’m feeling a little light-headed off a tankard of beet wine. I know my limits. So with that, Diary, I end the night. Time for beddy-bye.
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